SharkWatch 2007--the sighting!

Check out my new video! How cool is that? I can't say for sure if the big finny swimmy thing is a shark because I couldn't get my Chum Buddy out into the ocean far enough to give me a report. She needs a longer leash. AnyLoo, I'm pretty sure it's a shark and we saw a whole bunch of them on the South Beach. Sharks with blowholes! It could be a new species. If I get to name it, I'll call it the Lyleshark.

And now, more tips:

Lyle's Guide to Vacation Home Living

It's actually pretty easy, but I have learned a few things since I've been here.

1. Glass tables=headaches. The bosses think they are hilarious. Har de har.
2. You never know where danger will come from when you're not at home. Bark at everything, just to be sure.
3. In some places of the world (like here) houseplants live out of doors. I figure they are feral, and not to be trusted. Give them the hairy eyeball and keep your distance.

See? Easy. The Empty Birdfeeders are ready to convene at the Council Fire. I had better hustle back to my yard!

Survivor:  Backyard--Episode 8

Beautiful Hostess MacKenzie: Welcome back to the yard, everyone. I have a sad announcement to make. Goldie was hurt last week while chasing a rabbit out of the yard. She's recovering nicely, but she will have to be on the injured reserve list for a while. Before she left, she made some cookies and bacon-chip muffins to share with her old team.

Empty Birdfeeders: All hail Goldie!

Dead Petunias: Did she make some for us too?

MacK: Now that Lyle is back from vacation...

muttering from both teams: "About time" and "Finally"

Handsome Host Lyle: I had a great time, thank you for asking!

MacK: Okaaay, good for you, Lyle. As I was saying, we are meeting the Empty Birdfeeders at the Council Fire this evening. They lost the gardening challenge and must now vote one of their members out of the yard. Welcome, Empty Birdfeeders.

Baxter: Where's the fire?

HH: I'm not allowed to have matches. I do have a flashlight, though. See how spooky I look when I hold it under my chin? Booooo!

Maebe: Eeek! (runs and hides behind Comu')

HH: It's time to vote!

Comu'(whispering to private camera): I can't vote against Miss Maebe! With Miss Goldie gone, our team would suffer in beauty. I can't vote against Baxter! He is my friend. Who jumped in front of the mower trying to help me? Baxter! What should I do? What should I do? I can't vote against myself, can I? Hey, I have an idea. What if instead of voting someone out, I'll vote someone in. Miss Josie. She's a blonde!

Baxter(taking his turn at the camera): Ummmm.....I am not quite sure I knew that I had to vote off my pals in the unlikely event that we lost a challenge when I signed up for this gig....I just assumed that our super intelligent, almost human host would do it for us!

Maebe(to the camera): I don't want to go! I don't want Baxter or Comu' to go! starts to cry

HH: Let's tally the votes. The dog who has to leave the yard is...nobody? And Josie is joining the Empty Birdfeeders? Now, wait a minute. We've been over this. You're supposed to vote members OFF the team, not ON.

Comu': Do you remember the chicken jerky Josie's mom gave you on your way to the beach?

HH: Josie's in.

The Empty Birdfeeders cheer, welcome Josie, and race back to their Starbucks shelter/franchise

MacK: This game is never going to end, is it?

HH: It doesn't look that way. I don't know about you, Kenzie, but I'm getting a little hungry. Our next challenge is going to have to be about food. I know! Each team has to create a meal for me. Whichever meal I like best determines the winner. Teams, are you ready?

Vincent: Do we have to use only things we find in the yard?

HH: Feel free to go shopping. You can nose around the house, too, but stay out of the trash. The bosses hate that.

Morgan: I'm going shopping! You coming, Rosie?

Rosie: Fire up the grill, Vincent. We'll be right back. Morgan and Rosie race off to the local Kroger

Baxter: We're going to clean up on this one, team!

Maebe: Clean up? Do I have to do the dishes?

Josie: Let's work on the cooking first, sweetie.

Maebe: Can we cook with coffee?

HH: Just to make sure our teams stay safe from here, I've enlisted the help of an angel to keep an eye out for us. Cletus will also provide Color Commentary from the Clouds. Welcome, Cletus! Feel free to give the teams some hints. When we come back, I'll eat!

What will the teams serve? Will Lyle get enough to eat? Tune in and see!

Survivor: Backyard--Episode 9

Handsome Host Lyle: Welcome back to the yard. Our teams our busy preparing for their challenge: Feed me! They're each preparing a meal and whichever team creates the meal I like best will be the winner. TV just doesn't get any better than this, don't you agree, MacKenzie?

Beautiful Hostess MacKenzie: Sure, whatever you say, Lyle.

HH: Kenzie? You okay? You do know that you get to eat some of everything, too, don't you?

MacK: I do? This is great TV!

HH: Our teams have been very, very busy. Rosie and Morgan have been at the Kroger for quite a while. Let's check in on them from our remote cameras.

Cut to live feed from the local Kroger

Morgan: Hurry up, Rosie! We don't have a lot of time.

Rosie: (blinking, and then staring wide-eyed at all the food)Is this heaven?

Morg: Come on! We need to get to the meat counter. Vincent has something special in mind. I think we're going to need to talk to the butcher.

Rosie: Meat? Where? Can I have some?

Morg: (sighing)Follow me. (finds her way to the meat counter only to realize that she has lost Rosie) Rosie! Rosie!

Rosie: (calling back to her from the deli counter)Morgan! Come here! You have got to see this!

(Morgan races to the deli counter, where she finds Rosie standing with her paws on the glass case, licking the last few morsels of cheese from a tray.)

Morgan: Rosie! What are you doing?

Rosie: Look! Free samples! (to the deli guy)May I try the Muenster, please?

Morgan: Come on! We need to...wait, did you say Muenster? Can I try some of that too, please?

Cut back to the yard

HH: Interesting. I wonder how Vincent is doing with the grill. Hey, Vincent, how's it going? What happened to your whiskers?

Vincent: (rubbing his nose gingerly)Little mishap with lighting the grill.

HH: Will those grow back?

Vincent: Sure, at least I think so. Those bushes and stuff will probably grow back too.

HH: So what will you be grilling?

Vincent: (grins, wincing from his singed cheeks)That's a surprise, Lyle, but you're going to love it!

HH: I hope so! Kenzie, how are things going with the Empty Birdfeeders?

MacK: They're plotting something over here, looks like. Let's take a peek.

Maebe: I know what Lyle likes! I know! I can help!

Baxter: Tell us, Maebe, you know him best.

Maebe: (Sitting up very tall and proud, tiny little chest puffed out with pride) He likes everything.

Comu': Why, ah, thank you Maebe.

Maebe: Did I help? Did I help? Can I make some more coffee?

Comu': You know, Goldie has been feeling a lot better. I think we can get her back over to our side. There's so much smoke over there from the grill that Vincent will never notice us there.

Baxter: Josie, you and I will go sneak her back. Comu', you and Maebe create a diversion. Make a lot of noise or something.

Comu': (glancing over at Maebe, who is crashing around the pots and pans trying to find the coffee grinder) Not a problem.

Josie: Let's go get Goldie and get cooking!

MacK: The Empty Birdfeeders definitely have a plan, but I haven't seen a lot of cooking going on yet. Let's hope they can get it together in time.

HH: And soon. I'm hungry!

Which team will create the most delectable delights? How will a dog who eats mulch be able to tell which is better? Tune in and find out!