Hm. Seems I'm a little slow in updating my Ourmutts thoughts. So sorry to my dedicated reader. Consider yourself pup-dated!
(from March 11th 2009 9:00 pm)
Things have been a little dull here at Casa de Lyle. So I have decided to
make things more interesting.
I am going to take over Canada.
Yes. It is high time that the good old U. S. of A. returned to its Manifest
Destiny. Now is as good a time as any. So I have decided to launch a recon
mission to Canada. The grrrls and I are going to inspect the borders,
investigate security, and possibly eat a Beaver Tail or 3. (If you don't know
what a beaver tail is--and it's not the kind attached to the water critter,
although that would probably be good too--ask
Flecken.)
Then we claim the place as our own. I am hoping for a peaceful takeover but I am
prepared to fight. Heaven knows the grrrls are always up for a scuffle.
Canada, here we come!
(from March 12th 2009 8:45 pm)
I think that sounds cooler than Manifest Destiny. More pop-electro-punk. I'm
going with it.
And it is all coming together.
I have a
spy. My good friend Nelly has already established her cover in Canada. She
can recruit the help of fishermen (the Whigle army needs to eat) and
International Gymnasts. I figure gymnasts are nearly ninjas so they ought to
come in handy.
I also have an
informant. Tippy has warned me that all of Canada is waiting to pelt me with
snowballs. No problem. I'll send the grrrls in first.
Turns out I have a
Doubting Flecken too, but since he's the one that told me about Beavertails
and he did some shameless begging for the boss man, I'll give him a flyer on
this one. He'll see. He won't be doubting me for long.
Oh, and let's not forget that I have been working on my evil laugh of world
domination. Bwahahahaha! Pretty good, don't you think?
I am almost ready.
(From March 16th 2009 6:33 am)
Here is what I have learned so far in my first super-secret re-con-is-ants
mission to Canada. So far, no ants. Con or pro.
The border is guarded but not very well. If I could fly over like the seagulls
do I'd be golden. I am working on that.
I checked out the border guy and he is armed, but only with pepper spray. When I
come with my invading army we will hold up pizzas as shields and have protection
and dinner. Mmm...spicy peppers.
The border guard is also not thorough. He asked the boss man if he had any
weapons but he didn't ask me. I would have showed him I have a mouth full.
I have also learned how to fit in seamlessly with the natives. All I have to do
is add a "u" here and theure and reverse my "r"s and "e"s. Pertending I aum
Canadian is eausy!
The most intuersting thing I have leaurned? My Cheetos here are
dangeureusement fromage. How 'bout that?
(From March 18th 2009 11:37 am)
Canadian Intel Update:
It snows a lot here. A LOT. Every day it has snowed and you would think the
skiiers would be happy. But here is another thing I have learned. Skiiers (and
snowboarders) are not a friendly bunch. The locals are nice and friendly. The
tourists, not so much. They don't smile. They don't say howdy. They are not like
Tri-Citians who not only ask you "How are you?" but wait to hear your answer.
I think this will make it easier to take over their country. And when I do I am
not allowing any tourists back in. The natives can stay. They have colorful
money and the most
amazing flavors of ice cream EVER. All I have to do is figure out a way to
take the caffeine out of their coffee and I am sure they will be easily subdued.
Some other random Candian stuff I've learned:
1. Pretzels are Bretzels. How crazy is that?
2. It's okay to call them Canucks.
3. "My dog is super friendly" means "Watch out, my dog is going to try to eat
your little brown dog there."
4. "He's never done that before" seems to mean "Nobody who is watching now saw
that, did you?"
5. Whistler has leash laws but nobody but us seems to pay attention to them.
That's how I learned #3 and #4. And that's why the tourists get the boot when
Canada is mine.