Survivor:  Backyard--Episode 11

Handsome Host Lyle: I can't wait to see what the Empty Birdfeeders have cooked for us. How's your appetite holding up, MacKenzie?

Beautiful Hostess MacKenzie: Pretty good, Lyle. Of course I didn't just eat an entire LyleShark.

HH: You should have. It was dee-lish. Howdy there, Birdfeeders! Whatcha got cookin'?

Goldie: Welcome, Lyle. Have a seat.

HH: Wait a minute. Aren't you supposed to be with the other team until the end of the challenge?

Vincent: I knew we were missing somebody!

Comu': She's on our team. She's always been on our team. Nobody leaves this team.

HH: So I've noticed.

Goldie: We were thinking about all the foods you like best and we really couldn't narrow it down to a single menu.

HH: I have that problem every day! What did you do?

Josie: Everyone made something for you. We'll let Goldie start.

Goldie: Thanksgiving has come early to your backyard, Lyle! You'll start off with a turkey roll with cornbread dressing. On the side is my special cranberry sauce. Now, don't forget to eat your veggies! I have whipped potatoes and green bean casserole with onion.

HH: Do I get dessert?

Goldie: Of course, if you finish your veggies.

HH: I will! I will!

Goldie: I made my special pumpkin spice cream cake.

HH: (eyes closed, smiling) Mmm....

MacK: That was delicious! Now I really am stuffed.

Josie: But wait! There's more!

HH: (his eyes snap open and his tail begins to wag furiously) There is? Really?

Comu: I made you a coffee gift basket. It has cappucino brownies, coffee fudge brownies, a boule de neige, a mocha java shake, a thick coffee banana smoothie, Coffee Time blueberry pie, walnut coffee cookies, and a coffee granita. For dessert there's a 4 layer yogurt cake with yogurt icing.

HH: Holy moly. This is going to take me a while. (2 seconds pass) Fantastic. Everything is absolutely great.

MacK: (staring at Lyle, astounded) You really ate all that?

HH: What? Didn't you have any? Whoops. Sorry about that. You would have really liked it.

Josie: We're not done.

HH: I am so loving this.

Josie: I'm going to appeal to your wild side.

HH: Ooooh!

Josie: I got you a songbird, a squirrel, and a cat!

HH: I get to taste a cat! WhooLOO! It's even better than I dreamed it would be.

Josie: And to freshen your breath I got you some gum.

HH: Gum I don't have to peel off the sidewalk! This is amazing. I never knew it could be so minty.

Maebe: My turn! My turn!!

HH: Bring it on, Maebe Baebe.

Maebe: I made a chicken. A whole chicken. I fried it.

MacK: (squinting at the bird) Did you fry it with the feathers on?

Maebe: (eyes wide, tears welling up, lower lip beginning to quiver) Did I do bad?

HH: I like it this way.

Maebe: (bouncing up and down, smiling) He likes it! He likes it! I also brought you some of that fancy ham you like.

MacK: Is that proscuitto? I'll try some of that, please.

Maebe: I have ice cream and candy too!

HH: Good girl, Maebe. Good girl.

Baxter: We're still not done.

MacK: I think I might explode.

HH: Eat through the pain, Kenzie. Feel the bloat.

Baxter: Go ahead and cleanse your palate with this chicken jerky. Then try our hand tossed pepperoni pizza.

HH: This is too good to be true. Kenzie, pinch me and see if I'm dreaming.

Kenzie: If you pinch me, I'm pretty sure I'd pop.

Baxter: I have a big, juicy T bone steak for you, perfectly rare.

HH: Be still my dripping drool!

Baxter: And to finish it all off, we have Blizzards for everyone!

MacK: I'm finished. (passes out in the grass, snoring)

HH: I don't know what to say. I've never eaten so well in my whole life. Both teams, you have truly outdone yourselves. I have to give the Dead Petunias a nod for creativity...that LyleShark is just not something I eat every day. But the Empty Birdfeeders have matched them with quantity...every one of my favorites! I honestly don't know who will win this challenge.

Whose cuisine will reign supreme? Will Lyle demand a rematch? Stay tuned!

Survivor:  Backyard--Episode 12

Handsome Host Lyle:  I didn't know that I could even think these words, much less say them, but I'm full!  I don't think I could eat another bite.  Well, not a big bite, anyway.  I'm so sleepy...Surely no one will mind if I take a quick nap.

Finds a sunny spot, circles twice and curls up for a nap.  Presently he hears a noise, which awakens him with a start.

HH:  What's that?  Who's there? 

Darkness has fallen.  A figure appears in the shadows.  Lyle squints at it and sniffs the air.

HH:  Cletus?  Is that you?  What's that jingling noise?  Are you in chains?

Cletus:  Don't be silly, Lyle.  That's just the tags on my collar.  I'm here to be your Spirit Guide.  Come with me, we have a long trip ahead of us.

HH:  Are we going to the beach?  I like the beach.  And I don't know much about spirits, so I guess it's good you're here.  Should we start with bourbon?

Cletus:  Not that kind of spirit, Lyle.  Grab my tail.

HH:  Your tail?  (eyes him suspiciously) This isn't a "pull my finger" kind of thing, is it?

Cletus:  (rolls eyes) Just grab my tail, Lyle.

Lyle takes hold of Cletus' tail and suddenly the room around him disappears.  He and Cletus are floating in a vast darkness.  Gradually a light appears ahead of them.  As his vision clears, Lyle finds himself in a familiar room.

HH:  Hey!  This is my living room!  But who are they? (points to a tricolored puppy and a black terrier wrestling on the floor) Wait a minute!  That's me!  And Little Bit!  What's going on here, Cletus?  Cletus!  Is that who I think it is?  (points to another ghostly figure watching the dogs play)

Cletus:  Yes, that's Little Bit.  She's the ghost of Whigle Past.  She's here to remind you about who you were, back before you were a TV star.. 

HH:  Little Bit!   I've missed you so much!  Come here, Bitty, let me smell you!

Cletus:  It's time to move on, Lyle.

HH:  I don't want to go!  I want to stay here with Little Bit.  This was the happiest time in my whole life.

Cletus:  And that was before you were famous, Lyle.  Little Bit helped to make you into the dog you are today.  Hold on to my tail.

HH:  Please, Cletus, can't I stay?

Cletus:  I'm sorry, Lyle.  We have to go.

Lyle, whimpering softly, takes hold of Cletus' tail and the vision before him dissolves into blackness.  Daylight reappears and he finds himself in his own yard, watching the Survivor contestants milling about. 

HH:  Howdy, guys!  How's it going?

Another ghost appears next to Lyle, saying:  They can't hear you, Lyle.

HH:  Samantha?  What are you doing here?

Samantha:  I'm the ghost of Whigle Present.  This is the world you've created.

HH:  Pretty cool, huh?

Samantha:  Are you sure?

HH:  What do you mean? (looks around slowly) That's strange.  No one seems to be having any fun.  Why aren't they having any fun?

Samantha:  They're worried, Lyle.  They know that when you wake up from your nap, you're going to come out to the yard and tell them that someone has lost the challenge and that someone has to go home.  They don't want to vote against each other.  They just want to play and have a good time. 

HH:  I didn't mean to make them so upset.  What should I do?

Samantha:  Well, if I were you, I'd have a party.  One with lots of food.

HH:  Uh, I think I ate everything already.

Cletus:  It's that time again, Lyle.  We have to move on.

HH:  Bye, Samantha.  It was nice seeing you.  (grabs Cletus' tail)  Where are we going now?

Cletus:  You'll see.

HH:  (blinking as darkness turns to light once more) I don't recognize this place.

A third ghost appears at Lyle's side and says:  But do you recognize that dog?

HH:  Seva?  Oh, Seva!  It's wonderful to see you.  (looks at the old dog before him) I don't know who that is.

Seva:  That's you, Lyle.  I'm the ghost of Whigle Future.  Let's listen in and see what you'll become.

Old Lyle:  Did you hear the one about the man who dreamed he was a muffler on a car, and then that he was part of the wheel?
He woke up exhausted and tired.  Get it?  Exhausted?  Tired?  Ah, I slay me!

HH:  Hahahahaha!  Hold on, why isn't anyone laughing?

Seva:  Lyle, dear, your jokes just got stale.  You kept doing the same old, same old, and all your fans just drifted away.

HH:  I have no fans?  I'm all alone?  No one will laugh with me?

Seva:  They still laugh at you, Lyle.

Old Lyle:  Did you hear about the new line of Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses?  They will be for people who love meat tender.

HH:  I think he's funny.

Seva:  You'd be the only one, Lyle.

Cletus:  Time to go, Lyle.  You know what to do.

The vision fades away and Lyle finds himself back in his sunny room, curled up on a cushion. 

HH:  I just had the strangest dream.  Was it a dream?  Is everyone still in my backyard?  (throws open a window and yells out to the yard) Hullo!  What day is it?

Josie:  It's still Monday, Lyle.

HH:  It's Monday!  It's still Monday!  Thank goodness!  (races out to the yard where the contestants are still waiting, hugs them all)  My friends!  Guess what!  The game is over!

Rosie:  It is?  Who won?

HH:  Everyone!  You all won!  I have presents for all of you.  Is there any food left over?  Let's have a party!

The contestants let out a cheer and begin gathering the left over food from the contest.  Lyle watches. smiling, as they laugh and eat.  He hears a jingling in the sky above him and gives a wink to his Spirit Guide.

THE END